Deep Blue Sea

It's a pleasure to eat...er...meet you!	Rating: 3 Bananas

Also known as Jurassic Shark (pretty good, huh? I stole it!). How better to celebrate summer than by watching big toothy animals noshing their way through an annoying cast? And when you take into account my morbid fear of drowning combined with my morbid fear of sharks, you have a good hour and a half of stomach knotting, armrest clenching fun. Provided you leave most of your brain cells at home. Even though my toes were curling with dread, I could still point my finger and say "Hey, that doesn't make any sense".

FOR INSTANCE:

1. Now I've not exactly been keeping up with the latest "gene therapy" trends, but I'm pretty sure you can't increase the brain mass of anything 5 times in only 2 generations. Unless you use some kind of pumping aparatus. That can be done in only 2 seconds, although it is not very useful from a scientific standpoint, so I'm told.
2. They made a point of telling us that not only were the sharks now hunting in packs as a direct result of their super brains, but they would only eat other sharks. Why would they only eat other sharks? THEY WOULDN'T TELL US!! Which leads me to believe that it has something to do with big brains. Now, I myself have a big, wrinkly brain, but to my knowledge it has never once led me to cannibalism! Well, there was that one.. no, that had nothing to do with my brain.
3. Now, I applaud the scene where the shark goes zooming towards the underwater lab window with the gurney guy in his teeth, and (pattooie) spits him out at the horrified onlookers, but was that really enough force to break through the glass designed to withstand the pressure of being a hundred feet underwater? I mean, how much could gurney guy weigh? Less than you'd think, what with the arm bitten off and all.
4. And finally, since I'm such a pal, I want to prepare you for the most inexplicable hole in the plot that this movie dared to throw at us. The swearing parrot gets eaten by sharks, and the craggy, "handsome" guy who runs around the entire movie wearing a little halfsie wetsuit and delivering some truly appalling dialogue... doesn't.

I saw this in the theatre, and that is simply not an option for those of you reading this, because this came out about five years ago...yeah, I'm recycling old material, I'm a busy woman! It's actually better to see this on DVD in the comfort of your own home. Half of this movie's charm comes from hollering things at the screen, and that tends to be frowned upon in the theatre. Besides, the shark effects were a liiiitle cartooney, and actually look more realistic on a smaller screen. A much smaller screen...do they still make watchmen?